Why Men Don't Talk About Mental Health and How to Start the Conversation

Men mostly stay silent about mental health because they have learned that struggling reads as weakness, and because the symptoms often do not look like sadness in the first place. In an Australian survey commissioned by Movember, 51 per cent of men aged 18 to 34 said they had avoided talking about their problems because they did not want to appear less of a man (Movember, 2019).

Starting the conversation does not take a speech. One honest sentence to a partner, a mate or a GP is usually enough to begin, and this guide shows you where that sentence can go.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 now. In an emergency, call 000.

Why don't men talk about mental health?

The pressure starts early. Boys hear "man up" and "toughen up" long before they hear anything useful about anxiety or low mood, and the lesson sticks. In the same Movember survey of 1,001 Australian men, 35 per cent of all ages said they felt under pressure to behave in a masculine way, and 59 per cent believed society expects them to be emotionally strong and not show weakness (Movember, 2019).

Among younger men the effect is stronger. One in five men aged 18 to 34 told Movember they always or frequently change their behaviour to appear more masculine.

Other barriers come up repeatedly in Australian research:

• Fear of burdening people. Many men worry that raising their problems will weigh down a partner or friend who already has enough going on.
• Not recognising the signs. Broken sleep, a short fuse and constant tiredness are easy to file under "just stress", so nothing gets said.
• No setting that feels safe. Worksites, pubs and group chats rarely reward honesty about mood.
• Avoiding the doctor. Beyond Blue reports that only 37 per cent of men and boys reach out for support when they need it, and 26 per cent admit to delaying a GP visit (Beyond Blue, n.d.).

What the numbers show

The starkest figures involve suicide. In 2023 the male suicide rate in Australia was 18.0 deaths per 100,000 people, around three times the female rate of 5.8 (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, 2023). Beyond Blue puts it plainly: seven out of every nine Australians who die by suicide each day are men.

Behind those figures sits a much larger group living with untreated distress. Beyond Blue estimates that 43 per cent of Australian men will experience anxiety or depression at some stage of life, and that one in seven young men aged 16 to 24 experiences depression or anxiety in any given year.

Support helps many of the men who take it up, and responses vary between individuals. The gap is not that help fails. Few men give it a chance early enough.

How mental health problems show up in men

Depression and anxiety in men often arrive in disguise. Beyond Blue notes that men tend to notice physical changes first, and Healthdirect makes a similar point: mental health problems are common, they are not a sign of weakness, and they often sit behind everyday physical complaints (Healthdirect, 2024).

Signs worth taking seriously if they persist beyond a couple of weeks:

• Constant tiredness that sleep does not fix
• Headaches, or changes to sleep and appetite
• Pulling away from family, mates and things you used to enjoy
• Drinking more, or leaning on other substances to switch off
• Irritability, a short fuse or anger that seems out of proportion
• Recurring thoughts like "I'm a failure"

If your thoughts have turned to suicide or self-harm, that needs action today, not eventually. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

How to start the conversation

You do not need the perfect words. You need one person and one honest sentence.

Openers that work precisely because they are small:

• "I have not felt like myself for a while."
• "Work is getting on top of me and it is starting to affect my sleep."
• "Mind if I offload for a minute?"

Setting matters more than most men realise. Conversations run easier side by side than face to face, so raise it in the car, on a walk or while doing something with your hands. There is no need to explain everything in one go. Say what is true today and let the rest come later.

Your GP is a sensible first port of call for anything persistent. Book a longer appointment and open with the reason: "I have booked in because I have not been feeling right mentally." Your doctor can then assess what is going on and talk through options, which may include a referral to a psychologist. Keep your regular GP in the loop even if you also use phone or online services, so one person holds the full picture.

How to help a mate who has gone quiet

If a man you know has withdrawn, seems flat or is angrier than usual, do not wait for him to raise it.

A few approaches consistently work:

• Pick a shared activity. Invite him for a drive, a surf, a gym session or a job that needs two people. Shoulder to shoulder beats across the table.
• Be specific. "You have not seemed yourself since Christmas. What is going on?" lands better than a routine "how are you going?"
• Ask twice. The first answer is usually "all good". A calm follow-up such as "seriously, how are you actually going?" gives him permission to answer honestly.
• Listen without fixing. Let him finish. You do not need solutions on the spot.
• Keep the language plain. Talk about stress, sleep and pressure rather than clinical labels.
• Follow up. A message a week later shows the conversation was not a one-off.

If what he shares sounds heavy, suggest his GP or MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78, and offer to sit with him while he makes the call.

Where to get help in Australia

• Your GP. The best starting point for anything that has lasted more than a couple of weeks.
• MensLine Australia, 1300 78 99 78. Free professional phone, online and video counselling for men, available 24 hours a day (MensLine Australia, n.d.).
• Beyond Blue, 1300 22 4636. Free 24-hour counselling by phone or webchat, plus moderated online forums.
• Lifeline, 13 11 14. Crisis support at any time.
• Suicide Call Back Service, 1300 659 467.
• Emergency services, 000, if life is in immediate danger.

Mental health and the rest of your health

Mental and physical health travel together, and for men the overlap often shows up in the bedroom. Stress and low mood are closely linked to sexual function, which we cover in our guide to stress and men's sexual health. Worry about performance can then feed the low mood that started it, a loop explained in our article on performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction.

Poor sleep drags on both, as covered in how sleep and stress affect your intimate life. Burnout has its own warning signs, outlined in 7 signs of mental burnout in men.

Menova Health's doctors treat physical men's health concerns, including erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and hormonal imbalance. Menova does not treat mental health conditions. If low mood or anxiety is part of your picture, your GP or a psychologist is the right practitioner to see, and if a sexual health concern sits alongside it, suitability for any treatment is assessed by a registered doctor through an individual consultation.

Frequently asked questions

Why do men find it hard to talk about their feelings?

Research points to learned expectations. In Movember's Australian survey, 59 per cent of men said society expects them to be emotionally strong and not show weakness. Add the fear of burdening others and difficulty recognising symptoms, and silence becomes the default. Most men can talk about it; they simply need a low-pressure opening.

What are the signs of depression in men?

Men often notice physical changes first, such as tiredness, headaches, poor sleep and appetite changes. Beyond Blue also lists withdrawing from people, drinking more, irritability and thoughts like "I'm a failure". Anger can be more visible than sadness. If several signs last more than two weeks, see your GP.

How do I bring up my mental health for the first time?

Start with one honest sentence to someone you trust, such as "I have not been feeling like myself lately." Side-by-side settings, like driving or walking, make it easier than sitting face to face. You can also book a GP appointment and say up front that it is about your mood.

What should I say to a mate who seems off?

Name what you have noticed and ask directly: "You have not seemed yourself for a few weeks. What is going on?" Listen without rushing to fix anything, and check in again a week later. If he is struggling, suggest his GP or MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78.

Is anger a symptom of depression in men?

It can be. Depression in men often shows as irritability, a short fuse or risk-taking rather than visible sadness, which is one reason it gets missed at home and at work. If anger has changed recently and sits alongside poor sleep or social withdrawal, it is worth raising with your GP.

Who can men call for free mental health support in Australia?

MensLine Australia offers free 24-hour phone and online counselling for men on 1300 78 99 78. Beyond Blue is available any time on 1300 22 4636, and Lifeline provides crisis support on 13 11 14. In an emergency, always call 000.

Does talking about mental health actually help?

For many men, yes. Talking is usually the step that leads to practical support, whether that is a GP visit, counselling or changes at home and work. Beyond Blue reports only 37 per cent of men reach out when they need help, so a first conversation matters. What helps differs from person to person.

References

• Movember, 2019. Movember's Masculinity Survey
• Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, 2023 data. Suicide deaths, Suicide and self-harm monitoring
• Beyond Blue, n.d. Men's mental health
• Healthdirect, 2024. Mental health resources for men
• MensLine Australia, n.d. Home page